It’s February already, and by now, historically, I usually have started my African vegetables. These are normally the hardy kind, like kale, collard greens and so forth; you get the picture. Yet, this year seems different. I mean my heart is in it; however, I feel as though I continue to give more of myself than I receive in return, and in return, my energy is spent. There are many verses written on our will to give freely. Accordingly, I spent time with this verse today, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.” – Proverbs 3:27. I understand this completely, but still I struggle with it. I often ask when is enough, ample? With this question, I have concluded that I do not have the power to continue to give freely in certain situations.
I work a number of four jobs at times, just to see my life of owning a farm come to fruition. There are times I must be up at 2:50 in the morning, to focus on one of my many gigs. Based on this one reason among others, my power to consistently give, I have discerned, must be halted in the recognition that I must give to the farm that is yet to come…I must give to me. By doing so, I am better able to sit comfortably with God in quiet conversations, to expect, to wait, and to listen.
Recently I was invited to a seed swap that actually fell on a Wednesday night (this night as a matter of fact) it was scheduled to start at 6pm, and its location is usually about a 35 minute drive outside of the Denver, Colorado rush hour. When I received the invite, my first instinct was to say “That’s too far, it will take me two hours to get there.” Then I thought again, and said to myself “You have the power to do this, just leave the house a little earlier”. It took me a total of 56 minutes to make it there tonight. It felt good!
I walked into the quaint and fun farmer’s market and was greeted by the smell of tons of delicious food. Since this was a potluck as well; I placed my strawberry spinach salad on the table. The venue was warm and the people were friendly. I sat next to a lovely woman who talked about her bees. I shared with her that my neighbor has two beehives, and that I credited her bees for my wonderful bounty last year. On the table to my right were a plethora of seeds brought in by other farmers and gardeners; I brought some seeds too. I was so proud of my Cinderella pumpkin seeds I harvested and dried myself that I had to package some to share. You can see a picture below.
The presenter was a woman farmer who shared good information on starting seedlings. She gave me so much hope that I now feel that I can muster up the time and energy to start some cold-hardy crops this weekend. The event planted great feelings in my heart in the acknowledgment that I can do all things, when I have support from Jude, stay steeped in God, and when I spend time with the people who truly love me. Jude is visiting family right now, which gives me a lot of time to think. One thing the drive into the city validated for me is that I must put my needs and desires in the forefront of everything that I do. I must wear the oxygen mask first, before I can give to others. And, putting this into writing tells me that there is no turning back. For this I am sooooo thankful!
Have a beautiful evening,